I do not like to admit this publicly, but there are moments when I feel disconnected. We really like for everyone around to feel like that we have everything in order and in its proper place…but quite often I find myself in a place where I’m separated from what I need most. Without fail, when I begin to focus in upon my dilemma, the exact same thing always happens – I try to fix it on my own.
It is my go to reaction to begin the process of figuring out why I’m here and how did I get so far from the connection that I had.
I’ve come to realize that when I try doing things on my own, it is like pushing a car.
I make progress, but good grief is it ever slow!
|(Forest Hill, MD)|
In my prayer time today, I shared with God that I simply felt disconnected. While feeling this way for a couple of weeks now, I have spent time trying to seek approval from Him. Basically, I have been depending solely upon my own abilities of ‘good works’ to try and get the job done.
It is a shame to admit, but that is what happens to we humans quite often. We can feel disconnected from Him, or all of a sudden experience difficult times, and we immediately feel like we need to do something to fix it. What we miss is that those ‘moments’ are not to be fixed, they are to be experienced.
I have begun to realize that my character is formed during these times. I loved how I heard it put once: Character is produced through us; it is not manufactured by us.
There is no questioning that God is concerned with where we end up in eternity, but we often fail to realize that He is also tuned in to our journey as well. It can be paralleled with the marriage vow. The culmination of LOVE is not the marriage vows on your wedding day. That moment is the beginning of a lifelong commitment to weather the storms that your relationship will encounter. Those vows will be tested by weak moments when you feel like all hope is lost. And when those times show up, it is imperative that we realize we are not as strong when we are alone. The salvation experience is much the same way: it did not begin with a commitment to SOMETHING – it started with dependence on SOMEBODY.
This journey with Christ is not about earning something or doing something out of ritual…it is simply about relationship. For when I can’t – He can. And when I feel disconnected, I’ve finally figured out that I need to check my ego at the door. It is not about what I can or cannot do – it is about admitting, “Father, I can’t do this without you.”
(II Corinthians 12:10 - For when I am weak, thou art strong.)